Thankful

I was just reading a blog from a christian woman who lost her little girl. It is a very sad story of course but one filled with hope because of her faith. I was reminded this morning of having faith like a child and then ironically her blog spoke of something quite similar.

As most of you know I lost two babies last year, technically one this year in February and one last October but since I am a teacher everything is segmented into school year time. The baby we lost in February was the hardest. For more than one reason. First, we had already lost one in October and second because I had made it to be 16 weeks, I was feeling confident.

To fill you in but keep a long story short the first baby we lost was at about 8 weeks and had no explanation..."it's just one of those things" as the medical staff so gently put it.

The second pregnancy wasn't planned but it happened and the doctor was concerned at the closeness to the previous miscarriage but it had happened and we would just watch it. Having a previous miscarriage at 8 weeks didn't out me at any higher risk for another so nothing special was done. As we progressed i had a feeling that something wasn't quite right. I don't know if it mothers intuition or something God was preparing me for but i know something wasn't right. At my OB appointments they could not find a heart beat but that was explained by the fact that I am not skinny...I still had a funny feeling and was trying not to let the devil convince me something God had given me would be taken away. Well on February 12 I had enough. I was lightly spotting and had a horrible head ache. I had Gregg take me to the ER where we received the worst medical care imaginable. I will spare you the details. After having to beg them to do an ultra sound and check things out we were finally able to see that I was pregnant but it wasn't OK...something wasn't right. The baby in the picture only looked to be a few weeks gestation. The ER doctor tried to convince me that i wasn't 16 weeks pregnant but only around 6-8.

The next day I phoned my Dr. told him the events of the night in the ER and he told me to come right in. I love my Dr. by the way!

He looked at me and decided before we did anything else we should get another ultrasound....

I knew when the picture showed up on the screen something was wrong, I didn't even need to look at the technicians face.

To sum it up the baby had died around 8 weeks and I had what was called a missed-miscarriage. My body didn't realize the baby had died. On February 14, 2008 I had a DNC to deliver Cannan. I was the hardest time of my life. I had not realized it was valentines day...not the way I wanted to celebrate it.

Fast forward............

This morning Alana was telling her friend Peyton that the baby that is in Mommy's tummy now is Moriah and before that Cannan was in Mommy's tummy but Jesus decided that she needed to go back to Heaven and that's OK, she is with Jesus now. Well if you know Alana you know that she is wise beyond her years and Peyton never had a chance to say anything and the conversation ended as quickly as it began.

It made me think about faith like a child....everything is OK according to Alana because, well just because it is. Jesus took care of it end of story. How amazing would it be to be able to deal with the pain in our lives that simply. To be able to say...OK God this is what you decided and I'm OK with it.

Wow, what a peaceful life we would live. I will be honest and say I have spent more time praying for an understanding of why I had to go through all the pain I suffered than I have spent praising God that I am now carrying a baby that will be born in 10 short weeks.

I just want to say thank you God! Thank you for giving me the child I carry now, thank you for blessing me with Alana who shows me more about life than I ever understood on my own. Thank you for a son who keeps me on my toes and a husband who is understanding through all my struggles.

Thank You! Thank you! Thank you!

We also did some good ole' family fishing last night and I wanted to show off our "big fish"!

Another Week Closer

Not to much to report from our weekend. I was Gregg's weekend to work so on Saturday Alana Noah and I went to Alana's ball practice and then went home right before the rain started. I was glad not to get caught out in it. It rained all afternoon at our house. I felt bad for the dogs. They would come out when it let up and then get caught in a downpour...they looked so sad, and wet.

Alana's ball practice went well, I learned that I need to sit where I cannot hear the coaches, so I don't get angry. I know, but they are talking to my baby!!! She did great and I am so proud of her. I swear I could not hit the ball as often as she does, not saying to much about my athletic ability.....

Noah was bored and hot and tired and....fill in the blank for the majority of her practice which didn't make it any more enjoyable that's for sure, but he is 4 and when he isn't happy no one is happy. He does like to play with the dog who lives on the other side of the fence from where we practice. The dog loves to eat those little yellow weed flowers and Noah loves to feed them to him. I hope they aren't dangerous!

I am still pregnant which is a good things 23 hours a day. There is usually an hour or so at night that I am so miserable its almost unbearable. I am 30 weeks today and that for some reason seems like a huge accomplishment...only 10 to go! Moriah is running out of room and I am beginning to wonder how close to July I am going to get. The last two weeks of June seem like a real possibility to me. We still have nothing done in preparation but it will work out, I hope.

Many of you have been praying for my student and I want to urge you to continue...he is still not out of the woods. The risk of infection is so high with burn patients he needs protection from God at all times. He has lost both feet and legs about 4 inches above the ankle and is in surgery today for more grafting. I would also like if you all would pray for another student of mine Levi, he is Brady's best bud and is going to see him this weekend, actually Wed-Fri this week. Pray that he will be able to handle what he is going to see when he gets there. He is also 15 and I worry about how he will react when he sees the condition Brady is in....just pray for him.

This is Monday of week five...only have four more after this one....come on SUMMER!

It has been a while

PaPa with the kids

It has taken me forever to get the time to sit down and write. Gregg has been so busy with work and I still have not received that burst of energy I was supposed to get in my second trimester, now that I am in the third.

School has been so busy, we are preparing for End of Instruction tests and everything else that goes on at the end of the year. As many of you know one of my freshman English students was critically injured after a car accident. I say after because he was electrocuted and burnt after exiting his vehicle. Brady is a very spirited young man, that's how you say a hand full politely. Seriously, he was always distracting the class and we had several encounters because of his attitude, but in retrospect I would rather have him here stirring up trouble in my class than to be going through all he is going through now. My hear just breaks for him and his family.If you are in the Muskogee area they are having a fundraiser dinner at Runts on Okmulgee St. this Sunday from 11-3. I encourage all that can to help out this family. I have told Brady and his mother several times before the incident that Brady is God's way of preparing me for Noah as a teenager...full of energy and lacking any restraint.

As for Moriah she is just a growing away. I told Gregg if my belly doesn't give soon she is gonna kick out. I am so excited to be 30 weeks, I know it will be here before I know it, and I am in no way prepared but I am ready to see this little gal. I seems like it has been forever since I had a baby and I am so excited.

Alana had her first softball tournament last weekend and they did good. I love to see those little 5 and 6 year old's being such serious ball players.


Sarah and Arty

Noah has had a pretty uneventful past few weeks. He got a baby chicken for Easter and his fascination with animals is just astounding. He has determined that he is going to teach them how to fly. I don't have the heart to tell him that it will learn on its own. So cute to watch him teach it.

Hope everyone is having a great spring. Summer is right around the corner!!!!!!!